One-third of the way to Dunbar’s Number!

150 is the number of close relationships we are designed to manage.

Hooray and I am delighted to announce a milestone marker for The Gratitude Project (TGP)!

As of this week, TGP is 50 names strong and one-third of the way to a mini-goal of 150. Full stop. Thanks. Now, how can we keep growing?

When I set some goals earlier this year, I used one of my default favourite numbers – 150. I call it ‘throwing jello at the wall’ when I state a goal, throw it out there, and see what sticks. No harm done if all I have is a little smudge of colour and no jello sticking. I had to say something and I had forgotten why the 150 number resonated, but now I remember.

I was re-reading Simon Sinek’s book, Leaders Eat Last this week, and on page 113, he writes:

“Robin Dunbar, British anthropologist and a professor in the Department of Experimental Psychology at Oxford University… figured out that people simply cannot maintain more than about 150 close relationships. “Putting it another way,” Dunbar likes to say, “it’s the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar.

Sinek continues, “… The earliest groups of Homo sapiens lived in hunter/gather tribes that maxed out between 100 and 150 people. Amish and Hutterite communities are about 150 in size. The bushmen of South Africa and Native Americans also live in groups that cap out at about 150….”

Sinek suggests that 150 is the number of close relationships we are naturally designed to manage. After surpassing the 150 threshold, we need to implement some systems that can help to manage the scale.

That’s good news, because so far, I have no system and no rules to TGP, other than a willingness to explore “Gratitude” as a character strength, a way of viewing the world and a chance to show respect to others.

For today, I am delighted to know that 50 people have signed up for TGP and are willing to consider explore gratitude as a good something!

Thanks for sharing the journey with me and let’s keep the circle growing. Also, thanks to the people who submitted Gratitudes, in response to last week’s blog – see below.

From fresh tomatoes, to the beauty of early-morning, to significant life moments and major life transition, from having a growth mindset to celebrating Dunbar’s Number, hope you are finding ways to fill your bucket on these dwindling days of August.

 #gratitude

Gratitudes from three subscribers – some universal moments that can bring us together, as ‘grateful human beans’

Person 1 writes, Today I am grateful for:

1. Fresh, juicy, red tomatoes and crisp, sweet yellow beans from our August garden.
2. Healthy, happy grandchildren who laugh, sing and swim.
3. Good friends who love to read, play Scrabble (online or in person) and discuss the issues of the day.
4. Great family, who figure out how to keep in touch and share the love despite Covid and other distance    issues 
5. Caring community – for example – Food Security for Seniors  – Each week, Door to Door & More Inc. assists at least 1 senior to get the things they need: food, medicine, and household necessities. Many hands make this happen, from community workers, to food-bank volunteers, to donors, and more. Together we get it done.

Person 2 writes, today I am grateful for:

1. Being able to share my kind and wonderful mother’s last days of life
2. The multitude of friends who continue to support me through this process from afar
3. The warm summer weather of Toronto that has encouraged the most beautiful gardens around me and allowed me to wear shorts and tank tops everyday in July and August.

Person 3 writes, I am grateful for:

1. My health and that of my family – after a few years of cancer in the family, at the moment, we are all clear and healthy otherwise.
2. Work – continuously grateful to have sustained a job throughout the pandemic- one I am passionate about, feel is valuable and brings security in some ways
3. Our neighborhood – biking out of the downtown core and towards the forests on Sulphur is like breathing a deep breath – relaxing as I come out of the trail onto our street. Happiness to see the free roaming of kids and wildlife alike.
4. Ease of relationships- the familiarity of those I know and love, at work and home, has made challenges just a bit easier. The comfort of being able to speak freely and without judgement, the support provided without asking, the “knowing” of someone else as they are in these times has been fulfilling
5. My garden! Minus some slugs from Calgary… I weed and water as though it is my own brain – clearing out and preparing for growth
6. My bike! Freedom, transportation, fun, energy efficiency- what is not to love?!
7. Memories – in the making and in recall. My Mom recently returned from 8 weeks out west, cleaning out my grandparents condo. She sent photos of absolutely everything to all her sisters and the grandchildren – from towels, to trinkets- what did we want? She arrived on her way back to Calgary with some previous small pieces which I asked to have. Some silly fridge magnets I have always adored since I was a child. This giant, gold paperclip which held paper and an old string with a pen- always used by my grandparents to write lists (now doing the same at my place). An old, weird mug of a face from Hawaii- replacing the old peanut butter jar at my place also labeled “Hawaii”: which we throw change into to save up!
8. New undertakings- I completed the Brain Story Certification course in the spring- about the science of early childhood brain development, effects of trauma, substance use, etc. which was very interesting. I’m currently in the midst of the free U of A course Indigenous Canada- what an invaluable learning experience- so much information we missed at school
9. Nature – such bliss it brings. I greatly miss “big adventures” since becoming a Mom. I want to spend weekends with my family, but also long for long and strenuous full day hikes and bikes.
10. Mornings- after having a child, sleep seems sacred, but I found myself rushing in the mornings. Mid-pandemic, I have set my clock a bit further back for a week or two and now am getting up at 6 am. I see the clouds glow, sun lighting up the neighborhood, all sorts of morning wildlife and noise – I have usually an hour of peace and time for me. It is bucket filling.