Gratitude can soften sucker-punches, as published in the Rocky Mountain Outlook, September 9, 2021
“It felt like a sucker-punch,” my friend confided. She was recounting the story from her third person perspective between two people, who were acquaintances.
Person X asked, “How much did you pay?” Person Y answered, and immediately Person X shrugged, shook her head with a tone of disgust, and said, “Ach. I should have gone. If I had been there, I would have “Jewed” the guy down.”
Person X could have said, “I would have tried to get a lower price,” or “I would have tried for a better bargain,” but instead she used a hurtful expression that is offensive under any circumstances, worse if you happen to be the child of Holocaust survivors, as is my friend.
My friend was so shocked that she silently walked away, biking home with a heart that felt whacked with pain and disappointment. Her family stories are full of pride and gratitude, and over the years, she has told me about her parents and relatives, some who perished at the hands of the Nazis and others who suffered the indignities of discrimination and extreme hardship. Like many people of Jewish heritage, she has worked hard to reconcile the trauma, the losses, and humiliation of a campaign waged in hatred by sticking to the high road. She finds solace in her feelings of profound appreciation, for her family’s resilience, but in this modern moment, she was deeply hurt by the insult of Person X’s response.
Person X likely had no idea she was speaking to a woman of Jewish descent. That’s not the point, though. Whether Person X used the expression in ignorance or with a heart that has been intentionally hardened and calcified, words carry power and as individuals, we must each accept responsibility as we try to build peaceful bridges, not pain-filled wedges.
We talked about her lingering sadness, she re-visited the conversation and how, given the chance, she would like to tell Person X, “The word “Jew” is not a verb.” I decided I could help to relay that message. Right here, right now – if you want to talk about getting the best price for any purchase, choose a word like barter, bargain, negotiate, or haggle. It’s human nature to try to maximize the value of every transaction and get the best deal possible. End of story.
Then, another story told by a friendly physician working in a hospital’s Emergency Department. She treats every patient who arrives to the best of her ability, starting with their symptoms and history. Sometimes the patient explains that yes they suspect it is COVID, but have not yet gone for their vaccine for any one of several reasons, concluding with the words, “I just didn’t make it a personal priority.”
“And that,” the doctor says, “is a sucker punch to my heart. It feels like a complete slap in my face! Here I am, trying so hard to help people who are sick, using the best information that science and my wisdom can offer and they can’t find the time to get a vaccine.”
People who are making significant personal sacrifices for others, putting their health at risk, paying for their children to go to the Day Home for extended hours, who are committed to their profession are likely resisting the urge to shout: “This is a pandemic, people! Each one of us needs to make it a priority to think about all of us!'” Or maybe they are shouting, but we cannot hear them over the din of insults flying and inflammatory language.
With gratitude, we realize that those of us who care about the rest of us are bearing the burden of responsibility for all of us, while voices in our heads scream silently.
