Giving thanks – even when the situation feels dire
I truly remember the shiver and the lump that rose in my throat.
Over the past six months, I have been reading lots about the scientific benefits of gratitude while re-reading journals and memories I have been scribbling since 1993. Why? I am using the lens of gratitude as a way to connect the dots of my life, my interests, my purpose and motivations – past, present future. Why else? I am writing ‘a book’! More on that shortly.
My recent Thanksgiving Blog connected readers to the Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Address. I first heard that universal prayer of thanksgiving during an Environmental Values Workshop I attended I 1994 – twenty-six years ago. Memory diving is an opportunity to revisit the past and reconnect with formative experiences and forgotten ideas. When I re-read my journals and deliberately frame the words through a lens of gratitude, I often find myself saying, “Ah-ha! So that’s where that idea came from.”
Fast forward to the present and this week I had the distinct pleasure of reconnecting with several of my colleagues who participated in ‘Gratitude Goes Live’ Spring 2020. Over Zoom, we once again connected with our ‘right here, right now’ feelings and gratitudes.
During the second session, the links between Grief and Gratitude bubbled and overflowed, reminding me once again of my journal notes and some of my formative moments.
Journal notes: July 9, 1994 – Victoria. Harmony Environmental Education Values. Opening Address: 2:10 pm.
Chief Jake Swamp, Tree of Peace Society opened the afternoon session.
He told the group, “Three condolences are shared whenever we come together as a group. I offer my condolences to those who feel they have lost loved ones.
“Tears blur our vision. So, I will reach to heaven and find the softest skin of a fawn and I will wipe away your tears so that we will have clear vision this week.
“When we suffer a loss, sometimes we lose our hearing. So, I will reach to heaven and wipe away the dust of your ears so we can listen to each other.
“Sometimes when we grieve, we have a lump in our throat that makes it hard to speak. We lose our voice. So, I will reach to heaven and offer you a drink of clear water so that your voice will be restored, and you can speak.
“By offering condolences, we find ways to help all people deal with their grief.” And with these powerful words, the week-long workshop began.
I truly remember the shiver and the lump that rose in my throat and the tears forming and the confusion in my mind that was also piqued with a curiosity. Why did the organizers choose to offer condolences when we were meeting each other for the very first time? I had never before received a prayer of condolence as a welcome and I was deeply touched.
With the long slow dawn of realization, I can look back at this time and see that the wisdom tradition of Chief Swamp set an example of acknowledging our losses before giving thanks. During this workshop, the opening Prayer of Condolences was followed with an evening presentation and Thanksgiving Address.
Fast forward to a Zoom reunion with eight women who have recently joined me in a field study of gratitude as a way to socially connect. Based on this week’s experience, I can state with confidence: Gratitude is easy – but it takes practice, mental stamina and intellectual commitment. Gratitude is particularly helpful when coping with loss, loneliness and grief.
My words are confirmed by Positive Psychology Scholar and Gratitude Researcher, Robert Emmons who writes, “It is the presence of thankfulness in trying times that enables us to conclude that gratitude is not simply a form of “positive thinking” or a technique of “happy-ology” but rather a deep and abiding recognition and acknowledgement that goodness exists under even the worst that life has to offer.”
Gratitude: it’s not a sermon. It’s not sentimental. It is a power tool that builds social connection and builds personal resilience.
