Bench Strength & Emotional Band Width

Happy International Women’s Day on Monday March 8, 2020. This is an acknowledgement and a note of appreciation to all of the women in my life. Thank you! And here are a couple of encouragements and suggestions…

First – I want to acknowledge that the emotional band width of all women, as care-givers, mothers, friends and allies is probably a little narrow right now. Whether you are a woman or a person who is supporting a woman who is carrying a full plate these days, Thank you!

The world needs to pay attention and give gratitude to so many strong and tender and fragile women who are shouldering some super-sized burdens these days. Bigger than usual, under circumstances that have been exacerbated and exaggerated by COVID-19.

The statistics tell us that women have suffered the most job losses, are feeling most squeezed to find more time and resources (mental, financial, emotional) to care for and support others in their circles of care. Many lives have been disrupted and Women are our best and most qualified front-line agents for buffering and supporting and reaching out to those who are floundering. Women are social agents of change at the most personal level of community. Women heroes face big demands every day and many are being asked to do more, be more and show up more.

Thanks to all of the amazing women I know. To you and your support networks, to every woman or supporting beam in a woman’s world, I hope you will ‘take a breather’.

How? Go outside, sit on a bench and breathe. No phone. No ear buds. No books or distractions. Just sit and look and breathe.

I have two bench stories from this past week. Yes, I was supposed to be home getting ready for a family dinner. Instead, I had slipped out and was sitting on a bench by the Bow River. As I sat down, I had a bit of a guilty feeling, but I sighed deeply, softened my diaphragm and took in the view of the frozen river.

It was almost 5 on a Sunday afternoon. The light was growing weaker, but as I relaxed and listened to the sounds, something magical caught my attention. Snow granules were swirling across the white-on-white dance floor of river ice. The wind was lifting the snow crystals in a moment that impressed me in the same way the Northern Lights do. The vision was subtle, white and elusive. I would have completely missed the moment, if I had not relaxed my gaze and allowed myself to sit quietly, taking a breather.

My other story of bench strength was on a bright crispy morning, the first Friday of March. I was meeting with a small group of women, for a social conversation and a thermos of tea. We were sitting in a cluster of benches that gave us adequate space and ample room, for connection and reflection. For the first couple of moments, we simply sat.

The sun was still hiding behind Mt. Rundle, but it was shining on the snowy slopes of Cascade, Bourgeau and Norquay. The ski slopes were shining with pinky orange and blue. I looked up and thought, “Yes! This is just the kind of Bench Strength I need right now.”

After an hour, the sun was high enough to add some radiant warmth to the cold air tightening our shoulders. We were leaving, with a shiver from the cold when someone said, “We should do this more often.”

She is right.

In sports, the term ‘bench strength’ refers to the quality and number of players available for substitution. In business, ‘bench strength’ refers to the competency and number of employees who are available to take on more work or fill vacancies.

In community terms? Building our bench strength means that we have extra people or extra emotional bandwidth so that we can address the widening gaps that cut-backs, anxiety and worry are creating. When it comes to caring, tending and befriending, many places and many cases we are talking woman’s work. Paid and unpaid.

Encouraging women to lift up women, lift up families, lift up the social units in every sector of society means women are being asked to increase our personal capacity to do more. With an increase in demands, we need increasing levels of support – emotional, financial, social and moral – as we overcome the many forces of resistance that risk pulling us down. We need encouragement and permission to build our bench strength by taking time to breathe, gather our thoughts, and enjoy the mystery that surrounds.

This International Women’s Day – plan your week around a few good bench sitting sessions. Invite a friend to join you on ‘the bench’. Or leave the phone at home and go sit alone. If you don’t want to sit down, then at least say hello to someone you see, someone else who is sitting on a bench.

Here are two more ideas for celebrating International Womans’ Day: The Power of the Woman’s Pen and The Power of a Woman’s Pack.

Links to two online events on March 8, 2021:

1. Starting at 7 pm: Readings and an interactive conversation with memoirists Mary Tidlund and Sharon Wood. Mary is best known for her global philanthropic impact and for being the first black women to be CEO of a public energy corporation, and Sharon as the first woman from the Americas to climb Mount Everest.  Common ground brings these two engaging women together to share their pivotal experiences in finding their authentic paths and rocking their worlds. Register here: https://bookmanager.com/1675575/?q=h.calevent&eid=11836

2. Medical mom and photographic powerhouse Kristy Wolfe is part of the team organizing Power of the Pack. View details and register here: https://www.wolfeautomotive.ca/power-of-the-pack/?fbclid=IwAR3n4kkdgVHF7cVyvPNu4nQZaIX5wXOlx783oxR5PEyhdK6qu-hc35pSMLc

Melinda Gates writes in her book, The Moment of Lift:  “What takes us past the tipping point when the forces of pushing us up overpower the forces pulling us down… How can we summon a moment of lift for human beings – and especially for women? Because when you lift up women, you lift up humanity…”