A kinder kind of leadership… Notes to Self

Leadership. Where do you find it? Whose style do you admire? What does “a kinder kind of leadership” mean?

April 17, 2025… time to write myself a letter

Hello, Dear Friend.

You write about and talk about and keep repeating yourself, harping on the point that Kindness and Gratitude are antidotes to so many ills.

I have heard you say it so often, I can quickly recite your beliefs.

• That Kindness is a human emotion, a character strength, a personality trait
• That Kindness breeds compassion and acceptance of yourself and others
• That Kindness builds community, and increases our personal sense of belonging and inclusion;
• That Kindness, like Gratitude is an anti-dote to loneliness, anxiety, depression. It lowers our levels of cortisol, increases our sense of well-being and makes us more loveable!

For over forty years, while parenting your children, supporting your husband and working at the community foundation, I understand that the ideas reverberating in your head, guiding your thoughts and grounding your days were: “Just go be kind”. But I have to ask again: What do you mean when you use the words: A kinder kind of leadership?

You speak to the importance of writing Notes to Self, writing with self-compassion, searching for ways to be more aware of our reasons to be grateful, while acknowledging all of life’s hassles, burdens and obstacles. You encourage a style of writing that is like one long Note to Self and a letter that lists many of life’s minor miracles.  I have to ask — is that what you mean by leadership? Growing one’s personal self-awareness, self-acceptance and humility?

If so, is it risky to ask our leaders to speak to limitations and acceptance that each individual’s vision of Nirvana may not be reasonable?

Your kinder kind of leadership messages may be buried in your books, like on Day 20, on page 115 of An Ecology of Gratitude, you cite Dr. Martin Seligman:

the capacity to love and to be loved is the single strength most clearly associated with subjective well-being at age eighty.”

The capacity to love and be loved as a way to evolve, flourish and thrive as leadership skills? Perhaps. You also write:

… social co-operation has been a driving force in the evolution of human behaviour. The converse of social co-operation is loneliness and the disease of loneliness is taking its toll on everyone these days. Loneliness, feeling unsupported, believing that nobody cares about you is stressful, and causes a negative spiral downward, fuelled by self-defeating behaviours.”

Is Social co-operation another word for kindness? I believe so. And without social co-operation, we grow lonely and depressed. What if we vote for leadership style that is grounded in Kindness, Compassion, grounded in Gratitude?

Details are blurry and times are uncertain, but thanks for keeping Kindness and Gratitude top of mind. Elbows up for leaders who are humble and empathic committed to co-operation.

Happy Earth Day on April 22 — now that’s something to celebrate. Earth. Wind. Fire. Water.

Signed,

Your friend and loving ally,

P.S. Don’t forget to vote! What do you think about the phrase: “Elbows up for Canada”? Elbows up for boundaries. Kindness, Gratitude, Hope, Zest are Canadian strengths that unite us as human beans. Count me in when assembling the community choir of builders who shine their faces and polish their Macintosh apples with kindness, grace and humility.

P.P.S. I saw this sign on your neighbour’s lawn. I love the honesty – we reserve the right to change our minds and vote with our values. Go, Canada, Go!